


you shake the insides

by haipollai



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Didn't Know They Were Dating, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Marriage of Convenience
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-27 10:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6280660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haipollai/pseuds/haipollai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex twists the ring around his finger as he watches Nick pace. He consented, everyone did, but in the privacy of their room, he seems much more on edge now about it. </p>
<p>“Nicky,” he finally whines, sick of watching. Despite all his pacing, Nicky’s face is blank and Alex has no idea what he’s thinking.</p>
<p>Nicky spins to face him. “I don’t want this.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	you shake the insides

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lanyon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanyon/gifts).



Alex twists the ring around his finger as he watches Nick pace. He consented, everyone did, but in the privacy of their room, he seems much more on edge now about it. 

“Nicky,” he finally whines, sick of watching. Despite all his pacing, Nicky’s face is blank and Alex has no idea what he’s thinking.

Nicky spins to face him. “I don’t want this.”

Alex flinches in surprise. Of course he doesn’t. Alex should have figured, the entire idea was selfishness on his part, of course wouldn’t Nicky wouldn’t _actually_ want this. He wanted a way to stay, and Alex is giving him the chance but this and the rings, that he doesn’t want. “Of course, of course.” He makes himself smile wide. “Only year, yes? And lots of room you can bring girls or boys and I promise-”

“What?” Nicky frowns and Alex is left trying to hide his twist of emotions all over again. He usually knows Nicky so well and he can’t seem to do the right thing now.

“You not happy, I understand. Don’t worry, before you know it, only teammates and you get to play all the time.”

Nicky blinks at him and there are too many emotions for Alex to pick out any of them. “You really…” He’s so young and he looks like it right now. His blond hair is a complete mess from where he keeps running his hands through it. Any other time, Alex would grab him and hug him until the tension left his shoulders, but this is all Alex’s fault. He should have stayed out of the entire affair, but then he would have lost Nicky completely.

“I sorry, Nicky,” he says quietly, fidgeting again with the ring. 

“Stop saying that,” he snaps. “And stop-” He takes a few steps forward and catches Alex’s hand, stilling his fingers constant movement. “Don’t like you nervous.”

“You make me nervous Nicky. Don’t want to upset you.” He admits with a shrug. Nicky is too important to get wrong.

Nicky’s hand tightens on his. “You can’t go back to Russia.” His voice catches but he makes himself continue. “Not ever, even if we end this. You gave that up for me.”

He shrugs, he knows what he did and it’s not like Nicky’s more important than another chance at Olympic gold, but he’s Nicky. Somehow it seems worth it to have him as his center for who knows how many years. “Maybe you get me Sweden citizenship. Not as good, but make you best.”

A small smile tugs on Nicky’s lips and he hasn’t let go of Alex’s hand yet. “Already the best,” he says softly, more out of habit to always have a retort. “Didn’t seem real til now. What the fuck we were doing,” he continues in that same soft voice.

“Doing right thing.” He turns his hand so he can grip Nicky’s back.

“I want _this_ , you,” Nicky says, sticking his chin out defiantly. “Don’t...don’t offer me girls or- or I don’t know.”

“But you _said_ ,” he’s not whining, but it might be close.

Nicky looks down at their hands, at Alex’s ring that matches the one on Nicky’s left hand. “I didn’t want it like this.”

Alex frowns and tugs on Nicky’s hand, wishing he would just say what he wants. “Nicky. What you want? Me? Not me? Less good version of me? I can call up Zhenya-”

Nicky presses his free hand against Alex’s mouth and he can feel the cool metal of the ring pressing into his skin. He gets in that moment finally what Nicky is thinking, looking up into those sharp eyes and he can finally see what is going through his head. Nicky’s _terrified_. Of what he doesn’t know, but it’s more than when Alex met him at the World Championships and more than Nicky’s first NHL game.

He lets go of Nicky’s hand to wrap his arms around his waist, falling back into the bed and forcing Nicky down with him. He yelps and quickly tries to shift around so his elbows don’t land in Alex’s sternum but he ends up smacking Alex in the face at the same time so he just grabs Nicky tighter until he stops moving.

“I’m going to tell Crosby you’re offering his boyfriend,” Nicky grumbles. “Let him beat you up.”

“Not nice! Domestic abuse!” Not that Sidney Crosby could ever take Alex in a fight but it’s the thought of it, that Nicky wouldn’t heroically stand up for him against some angry Canadian.

Nicky snorts and rolls his eyes.

-

It had been buried in the fine print of Nicky’s contract when he left Sweden for the Caps. Alex isn’t totally sure of all the details but it’s not the first time someone coming from abroad has had something similar in their contracts. Something about setting roots in the area or else they would have to return to their home countries for some amount of time.

Setting down roots usually meant getting married, except that Nicky was single when this came to light without enough time to find someone who wouldn’t obviously be a fake. Except there was Alex.

They had only been playing together for three seasons but there were already jokes about them dating, being married. Alex hadn’t thought twice about saying yes when management had approached him.

-

Nicky is hiding, he isn’t too ashamed to admit that’s exactly what he’s doing. He has to step out of the supply closet he’s in eventually, he wouldn’t dare make Alex face the press conference on his own especially since it’s all his fault they have to do this anyway. He just needs a minute to collect himself.

Everything had been a whirlwind the past two weeks, Sweden insisting he return to ‘help grow the game’ and Alex stepping up. Alex’s hand in his, his wild grin tamped down as they were handed the rings. The entire thing was incredibly formal and to the point, making sure all the correct paperwork was signed and notarized. Alex had stolen a kiss at the end of it, a mischievous gleam in his eyes and Nicky had suddenly been nauseous, not sure what Alex was really thinking about all of this.

The conversation afterwards had helped but he still isn’t totally sure Alex gets what he’s agreed to. Everything he’s given up. Nicky wonders when Alex will start hating him for it, cause he’s sure Alex will once all the glitz has worn off.

And now they had to announce it, let the world know he isn’t going anywhere. He holds his left hand out, taking in the simple gold band. He wishes they had at least had time to pick them out. Right now it just feels like a reminder of how fake this all is.

The door opens and he flinches at the sudden burst of light. Alex is standing there, backlit by the hallway lights. “There you are,” he says, dropping down in front of Nicky. “Why you here?”

“Needed to think.”

Alex frowns and pokes his cheek. “Think about what? We talk last night and think last night.” They had kissed last night too, but Nick finds it hard to believe this is something that can last.

“You can still walk away right now,” Nick says. “No one knows and you can just...you can play for Russia without any problem and-”

“Stop worrying.” He presses his fingers to Nicky’s lips. “You keep worrying going to hurt yourself.” His hand drops down to Nicky’s and he tangles their fingers together, smoothly getting to his feet and pulling Nicky along with him. “Is ok.”

He sighs, knowing trying to argue is only going to make Alex dig his feet in further and lets himself lead him out and to the room where the press is waiting. Boudreau is already there and some others from PR and management. Boudreau glances down at their joined hands and nods as if in approval. Nick wonders suddenly how much he knows, does he have any clue this might be more than an easy lie between Nick and Alex. Would it matter to him if it was? Not even Alex seems to notice He leads the way into the press room. The cameras start going off as soon as they step inside and unconsciously Nick holds on tighter.

Boudreau reads off the team’s official statement so Nick doesn’t have to stumble through the English. He’s even able to field most of the questions until they take a turn to the much more personal and blushing, Nick has to tell them that yes, they have been together and this relationship isn’t just to keep him there. Part of it is true, they have had a relationship since that first day they finally stepped onto the ice together and everything simply worked, but until now it’s never been close to the relationship Nick has wanted. He’s not sure if they believe any of his answers but the questions shortly turn to Alex, giving Nick a quick moment to breathe.

“Have you spoken with the Russian Hockey Federation? What about the Russian laws on homosexual relationships?” _Russia, Russia, Russia._

Nick looks at him, trying to hide his own panic and for the first time, Alex seems to be taking the question seriously. “Maybe,” he says slowly, as if taking time to make sure he’s translating in his head correctly before speaking. Nick is still holding Alex’s hand and runs his thumb over his knuckles, it seems like the right thing to do and Alex glances at him with a surprised smile. “Maybe, something needs to happen, yes? I have spoken with home, but nothing to say to you yet.” He ends with a bright smile and a squeeze to Nicky’s hand.

Nick finds himself smiling back, unable to resist how infectious Alex’s moods can be.

That’s the photo most of the newspapers lead with, Alex and Nick smiling at each other. Someone on the team had it blown up and hung over Nicky’s locker. It looks real, like they truly are in love. Alex is right behind him and slings himself over Nick’s shoulder and before he can shove it back down and away, Nick desperately wants to be selfish and take this chance to have Alex as his.

He limits himself to leaning back into him, that’s no big deal, that’s normal. Whatever normal ever has been for them.

“We cute couple,” Alex says smugly. There’s some whistling from around the room and Laich flings a towel at them.

“Maybe Nicky can finally keep that ego in check,” he teases. Everyone is grinning at them, lighthearted, seemingly not bothered at all by this.

Nick snorts. “No one can do that.”

Alex gasps loudly in his ear, so Nick shoves him off. “I _hurt_ Nicky.”

“I'll kiss it better later,” he says off handedly, it was a joke they had made before but this time Alex’s eyebrows shoot up and he smirks. This time the words could have truth behind them and everyone who hears them knows it. Nick feels his cheeks heat up but luckily this time Boudreau telling them to get their assets in gear saves him from having to think about it longer. 

-

Nick officially moves into Alex’s place, since it's bigger and nicer. The press keeps asking questions which get dodged as best as possible but Alex can see every question about Russia bothers Nicky. Alex has been talking with the Russian hockey federation, mostly behind the scenes but getting things moving. Overall no one back home is happy about a top star marrying another man so now they have to decide which is more important to them. 

Despite now living together, the first few nights Nicky disappears, sleeping in one of the guest rooms. Alex reluctantly lets him, Nicky seems to be taking the entire situation too hard. 

His patience lasts all of three nights however. On the third, Alex follows him without asking permission and climbs right under the covers with him. 

“We married, supposed to share bed,” he says as explanation. It's the wrong thing though cause Nicky’s face closes off. “Thought you say you want this.” Alex frowns, knowing how to make himself look sad and pitiful. 

“It's not real,” Nick snaps, jerking away when Alex tries to touch him. “It's just using our friendship and I didn't ask for this.”

“And the kiss?” 

Nick’s hands clench into fists, like he’s on the ice and ready for a fight. “It doesn't matter.”

Alex tries not to flinch, he knows Nick is just confused and upset and would never be this hurtful on purpose. That's what Alex tells himself. “I think it does,” he says obstinately.

There's a long moment where Nicky refuses to look at him but at least he's stayed in bed. “What do you want Alex?” He finally asks. 

He takes it as an invitation, reaching out to cover Nicky’s fist with his hands, running his thumb over his knuckles. “I want my Nicky happy and my center. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Nicky frowns at him but Alex knows him well enough now to know he’s just hiding that he isn’t sure what to say in English. Alex isn’t good at waiting though, talking even in unfinished and broken sentences is still better than nothing and starts nudging at his side until Nicky swats him on the shoulder. “Find it hard to believe you’re really ok with this,” he says stiffly, glaring at Alex and daring him to prove Nicky wrong. Alex grins, he’s always loved a challenge.

“Why? Cause Russia?” He shrugs. Nicky glares at him. “Is bad but-” He relents and rubs at his face, he doesn’t know how to explain it properly. It is bad but he wouldn’t be the first to be kept from the team for similar reasons. Teammates come and go but Nicky is different, has always been different. “Make a deal, ok? We always go far in postseason so only miss team every four years.”

The corner of Nick’s lips pull up into a smile. “That’s a stupid deal. We're already going to go far. And Alex -”

“Sasha. We married and why you try to convince me this so terrible?”

Nick’s smile disappears. “I don't want you to start hating me.” He whispers it like a confession. Alex isn't sure if he wants to punch him or kiss him but he looks so forlorn even as he tries to hide it, always forgetting Alex knows him best. So he wraps his arms around Nick instead and pulls him tight against himself. 

“You see,” he murmurs into Nicky’s hair. “It will be ok, I'm best, they need me and I never hate you. Never ever. Don't care if you don't believe me.”

Nick buries his head under Alex's chin and after a beat simply melts into him. They stay like that until Alex yawns and he nudges Nick away so he can rearrange them lying down. 

-

There are perks to being married, Nick finds out the next morning when he finally gets out of bed and Alex is already downstairs making pancakes. Alex is humming to himself, swaying slightly to his offbeat tune. Nick caves into his desire to be selfish and pins Alex against the counter, kissing jam and sugar off his lips. 

Alex beams at him as he pulls back. “Touching ok now?”

Nick winces, realizing how he's strung Alex along and probably upset him more than he'll ever admit. “Yes. It’s ok now.”

Very slowly and deliberately, Alex dips his finger in the jar of jam and smears it over Nick’s lips. “No pouting. Not when pancakes are being made.” He sucks the jam from his finger and Nick follows it, catching Alex’s finger between their lips, smearing jam everywhere. 

“Everything will be ok,” he says softly as he pulls back, almost like a wish or a prayer. 

“Yes,” Alex says firmly. “Me and you, always play together now. Be the best.”

Nick lets himself smile at Alex’s determination, it makes everything feel possible. Either way, it's too late to second guess this anymore, statements have been made. There's no going back without truly shaming themselves and Nick is too proud to let that happen. It would be too much pain while fixing nothing. So he leans into Alex and smiles against his lips. “Sasha.”

He can feel Alex’s pleased grin at the use of the nickname and it makes something warm and pleasurable twist in his chest. “Yes, Nicky?”

“The pancakes are starting to burn.” He laughs as he jumps back before Alex can catch him in the head with the spatula, settling himself at the table as Alex frantically tries to save breakfast. “Sasha,” he says when things seem more under control. Alex shoots him a suspicious look which he's sure is unfair. “if we're really doing this and… you don't want to end it.”

“Don't want.” He flicks his tongue over his lips nervously which Nicky thinks is not a good look for him. “Do you?” He comes over to the table with the plate of pancakes and stands there, a hand on the back of a chair but not sitting down. 

He gives a quick shake of his head and Alex visibly sags in relief, finally taking a seat. “I want real rings,” he says, looking Alex straight in the eye. “We pick.”

Alex reaches across the table for his left hand, lifting it to his lips and pressing a kiss to the base of his ring finger. Nick has forgotten to put the band back on before coming downstairs so there's only bare skin now. He wonders what it will be like when he's worn a ring long enough to have a tan line, so anyone glancing at his hands would know he's taken. 

“Maybe first I woo you?” Alex says. 

Nick rolls his eyes at him but his cheeks start to flush. “I think you've been doing that for the last three years.”

It gets Alex to smile again. Nick has always loved Alex’s smile, it made him feel safe and welcome as a rookie and now maybe could make him feel loved as well.


End file.
